Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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