You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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