I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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