I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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