Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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