Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
