SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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