my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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