My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize