I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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