Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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