she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
