Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
