I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
