There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.