And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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