I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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