I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
