Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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