She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.