Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA