dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!