Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
from now on my penis is your penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba