then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
