i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize