I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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