At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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