we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
