I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
