oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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