i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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