I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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