So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
