I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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