i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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