just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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