Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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