Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
