I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
