I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
