Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
