mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
