wakey wakey hands off snakey
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize