Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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