I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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