I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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