I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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