Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize