4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
