I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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