I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You ruined the universe
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