DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in