Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!