dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just threw up on my dentist
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class