Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.