ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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